Posted in My Diaries 📔 & Days🥂

A Nervous Lil’ Peek-A-Boo

Hello y’all 🙂

This is pretty much a huge update from my side, so if you’re reading this, I’m assuming you care (or probably just curious or bored who am I kidding lol) and either way I’m very thankful for that.

And if this is your first time on this blog, well, hello there! I’m Brin :)) (We’ll come to that part soon) Feel free to look around as much as you’d like to!

And if you’re one of my regular readers, a big FAT hello to you! I’ve missed you guys a lot!

Now, I do not know how much difference my words might make, probably nothing for all it’s worth, but well I suppose I’m obliged to do this, at least for myself.

A lot of you sweet humans asked me about my hiatus and I must say its only fair that I let you know. But the truth is, I don’t have a specific reason. I was at a point in time where a lot of new things were happening around me. Lots of things unfurled way too fast and it all kept my head in a whirlwind. University was a whole new eventful experience after this one whole mundane year inside my house. So yes, I had to take my time and my blog just slipped through my fingers for a while.

I do regret it though. It was, to be honest, a very cool period of time and I should have 100% LOVED to reflect on it and react and blog about everything that happened. (I wouldn’t call it entirely spectacular. “Eventful” might be more of the word here. )

But I had no time to even process half the things let alone write about it. I even tried maintaining a voice journal, but I’d just be too tired every night that I’d just crash only to wake up the next day. It was all very cool, yes. But right now, I’m starting to be able to step back and process things. And yes, I’m missing my blog. A. LOT.

I know I’ve been a tad irregular and I’m very much trying to change that. The “fear of being targeted and judged” was on my mind for so long that all I’d do is just procrastinate. And my shit’s all a bit scattered and I don’t know where to start either, let alone be able to navigate right. I also did come across a little cynicism and that did push me to procrastinate as well.

But this is a place that I cherish as my own. And I suppose when you open it out to the internet and the people around you, it’s always gonna be a mix of everything. But you have the choice to focus on you and what matters to you and I guess that’s ultimately more than enough.

And not everyone has to agree with my taste and or get to have a say how I maintain my blog. This is me, this is my level of classiness and I love it and I want it this way. I know it was a little setback that I encountered now, but I’m trying and what’s life without that?

And what’s life without us doing what we want?

So yes, citizens of the internet, here I am 🙂

Although right now, I feel like I’ve reached a… juncture. It constantly reminds me of how they say this age of 18 to 19 years old is when you really introspect and think about finding your purpose in life. But this whole aura has been a tad bit more visible over the past couple of weeks. I don’t know what to think anymore, I do not know what I want anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing and whether I like it or whether i want something else. It’s been troubling me and I genuinely don’t know who to talk about it to, and even if I do, how would they get it when I couldn’t get it myself?

I’m glad I’m able to express this now over here, because over the past few days I’ve been feeling irrationally restless and subconsciously feeling low and uninterested in it all, and …well, looks like I still do not know how to express it right! I tried to diagnose it though. I’ve been inside my house for the past 4 months now and living in an online world (don’t even ask), and I thought it could probably be because of all that- the mundaneness of it all. Then I thought it could be because of the fact that I’m a master procrastinator (I’m writing this post in the middle of math class, and now I’ll have to spend another evening catching up🤡 yay to procrastination🥳) and all the pending work might be lowkey driving me mad.

But I do not think its because of any one of those reasons specifically. However, it could be a mixture of all those; lots of small insignificancies leading you to question bigger things. You know, at some point, you just…hit there. You sit in the middle of it all, and just think about things- all things that somehow grow to hold an equal value compared to the rest -to the point where every direction feels equally appealing or unappealing. And you don’t know which one is yours.

And maybe that’s what I’m doing now. I genuinely feel like something is missing in my life, and with the current situation (*cough* pandemic *cough*) its maybe okay for us all to feel a little unbalanced. But its driving me crazy and with everyday I’m feeling a little more lost.

And that’s how I arrived here. I wanna explore all things and find what vibes to me better. I wanna reflect and sort it through. But whilst I do that, I also wanna stay true to who I am and embrace my identity. Which is why…… I’ve slowly decided to remove the anonymity part of this blog. And start with revealing my birthname.

Aaand this is where I stop blogging for now. :))

Oh and by the way? 🙂 While I wrote this post, I felt the old vibes and an entire mood creeping through my bones. Inching its way through my whole body. And I blasted Hallucinate by Dua Lipa – completely let it all out and absolutely. danced. my heart out. My ankles are hurting but I’m at the happiest I’ve ever been over the past few days. Probablyy sounds a little cliched but that’s just how it is. 😌

But what do you guys think? Do you think I should reveal my name instead of hiding behind a pen name? Would it affect my blog or my writing? How have you been doing? Let me know everything in the comments below! I’m dying to hear from y’all !!

Yours as ever

Author:

Too glam to give a damn 💫

35 thoughts on “A Nervous Lil’ Peek-A-Boo

  1. I find hiatuses quite rewarding as long as reasons for them don’t lie in traumatic experiences and of course if they don’t last too long.
    As for revealing your real name: I find using a pen name to have an advantage in terms of possibilities to develop an alter ego that is completely free of the chains the so called real world so easily ties on you…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh thank you so much for that! It’s always so great when readers share their opinions because it makes me feel so so much better, that I only can’t explain. :”)
      I was super nervous about being judged for going into a hiatus without a traumatic reason, but your comment has made me realise that that’s just plain stupid of me.
      I’m so glad I’m getting back to it now😌

      Thank you for reading :))) 💕💕

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Welcome back! Good to hear from you!

    Real name or pen name, that’s up to you. I use a pen name because most of my blog is based on true stories, and most of the people in them don’t know about the blog, they don’t know that I’m writing about them, so I don’t want to use their real names and throw them under the proverbial bus or create any awkward moments. (I did find out, though, that a few more people who I’m writing about know about the blog than I thought, because Taylor has told some of our other mutual friends about it… haha. No big deal.)

    How am I doing… the last month has been great, honestly. I’ve been off work, and I feel like I’ve gotten some of my life back. But they’re bringing back some of the restrictions, so I’m also living with this sense of dread that they’re going to take it all away again… :\ But the next episode of DLTDGB will be the 100th episode… I need to stop procrastinating and start writing.

    How am I doing, in character: It is September 1996. I moved in with some new roommates this week, and that’s going really well so far. Next week I’m going on a five-day retreat with Jeromeville Christian Fellowship, and then I start my third year of university the next week after we get back from that. I’ll be taking two math classes and Introduction to New Testament, and I’m going to audition for chorus this year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oohh damn yes, Greg that makes sense!! So I suppose it all depends on how we choose to go with our blogs and what we blog about I guess. :)) Thank you for that!

      And yes I should totaly relate with you about how the last few months have been just great!!😌😌 And ahh the sense of dread. These times can really get challenging even though I try to deny that to myself a thousand times. :”))) Hopefully we make through in our happiest of states😌💫

      and oohh! Thanks for that little update about your character. I sure do have some catching up I suppose😌

      Its GREAT to hear from you 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So lovely to see you’re back!! There are so many things I want to say after reading this but I’m just stuck on the fact that Hallucinate is the best song to have a personal dance party to 🎉🤣 I truly hope your blog helps you onto a path you feel more certain of. Go with the flow, you’re in control with this space and what you have to say is just waiting to be heard ✨. I think that if you have it on your mind to reveal your name then it’s going to happen sooner or later, so why not! It can only effect your blog in a positive way because it’s a step forward, sharing that part of who you are. Whatever you decide will be the best decision for this moment in time. So happy you’re back!! 💗💗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aaahh I totally had to let out a tiny happy scream upon getting this from youu🥳🥺🤗
      And let me just slightly melt into a puddle because that comment was perfectt, and makes a lot of sense to me🤔
      You’ve always given me a lott of support over the months and I’m truly grateful for that❤

      And heck yeahh about Dualipa😂 I’ve been super obsessed with her albums recently, and boy she’s SO good.
      P.S. Not even close to joking about how your support has helped me clear my mind. I was super nervouss aaahh🙊💕

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Aaahh HEY THERE Diamond! How have you been?! :DD

      Aw yaayy😩💕💕 that was point blank, girl! So grateful :”))
      Also its prolly just me but I feel like “idk” is just a whole mood these days😂 coz yess! I feel like I should do a rebrand too and bring more authenticity to this blog but I also love this hideaway place I’ve created! :”)) So yeah, back to square one😂
      Plus I should absolutely love to know your name too!🥰 Lemme know what you decide! Xxxx

      P.S. YES IKR! DUALIPA IS SICK

      Liked by 1 person

  4. BRIN!!! HI HI HI HIIIIII
    It’s so nice to see you back. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling like this- I hope that this pandemic just passes as soon as it can.
    Oh God, can relate to procrastinating. I’ve just been pushing economics back for a few weeks at least. I’m going to have to do it eventually *cri*
    Hallucinate is such a good song! I legitimately have a playlist titled “iIiiiIIIiIiiiIiII” which is just Hallucinate on repeat. Lmaooo
    Regarding your birthname… I think you should use it! In my opinion, it’ll positively impact your blog. ;D

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello hello helloo!😁 Daamn yayyy gossh how did I miss this :DDD
      How have you been?! Its super LOVELY to have you and your vibe here 🤗💕

      And aahh the pandemic omg I know right :”)). This third wave just sucks I’m just trying to ..er… meditate my way through or something😵😂🤞🤞
      I knoww right, all I’m ever doing is just procrastinate, especially since there seem to no boundaries at all. :”)) Good luck with that economics🥴😂

      And haha that was a good one – the playlist title😂 I never know how to name mine😂

      Plus, you think so? :”)) I do hope it does though! Thank youu again for reading yee🤗💕 xxxx

      Like

  5. HI Brin!
    I understand where you’re coming from. It feels like I’ve been playing catch up for months with life and all things ordinary. It gets hard to process things with no outlet to rant through.

    It’s okay to take a break and re-evaluate your current situation. But, with that, make sure with reevaluation you’re also taking action. You can get sucked into a depressing vortex when life gets too mundane.

    Anyways, with that said, I hope you’re able to take life and the blog back into your hands with motivation! I do hope you start to feel like you again c:

    Whether you use a pen name or not, it’s your choice, obviously. A pen name offers you a chance to be the person you always wanted people to perceive you as. But using your real name will ground you to your blog more-and make things feel a little more real. But that’s just based on my experience. Good luck with figuring it out and please stay safe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiyaa omg you totally got that right about just how difficult it is to process things these days, without some stable outlet! :”))) And I feel like I took some time to get away from things and it’s time to be real again :”))

      Thank you so much for this comment aaahh🥺. Feels good to know that someone actually gets it 💕💕🥺 I totally relate.

      And thanks for telling me what you think about blog names! I’m really trying to work out what would be best for me, and I’m sure it’ll help me down the lane❤
      Have a great day! Xxx

      Like

    1. Hello hello! Super glad to have you back here 😁
      Thank you for that opinion, since authenticity is something I’m really trying to look for recently. I do need my feet on the ground and your comment reminded me of that :))
      Xxx💕

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oooo clues!👀👀 Also, you’re asking me!😂
      If revealing your middle name means a lot to you and if you think its gonna bring changes, then personally I think its better to not rush and suddenly let in a vibe that you might not be comfortable with🤔

      What do you think?

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Omg damn😳 That was genius. I was almost trying to backtrack (oops) but you convinced me like 70%😮 :””))
          Damn thanks, so I suppose it’s as simple as that😮🤝

          Liked by 1 person

        2. It’s all about how you feel about stuff. If you feel happy for me when I give something then chances are you’ll feel happy for yourself when you give something similar. 😉

          Like

    1. Holy shit omgg gracie!! Its been what… YEARS? Ah we definitely have tonss to catch up on :)))))
      Thank youu and its lovely to hear from you fren! xxx

      Like

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